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Sex and the City 2: Dispatches From A Cultural Warzone

November 25, 2010 by Simon Kinnear in At Home, Nonsense with 2 Comments

Many thanks to Twitter for supplying the delivery mechanism, my followers for putting up with me, Thinkjam for the check disc and Michael Patrick King for making this so easy

Sex And The City 2 2010 awful movie

 

Tues 23rd November

– I blagged the Blu-ray of Sex and the City 2 for the wife to watch. Only catch: I have to review it for the blog. God save us all #satc2

– The plan is to liveblog it. That way, I keep my hands busy so I don’t spend the entire running time in facepalm mode #satc2

I’m also gonna iron while I watch. May as well make myself useful #satc2

Fucking hell, it’s two and a half hours long. Beer break. (Gotta stay macho.) #satc2

My wife: “those shoes are amazing.” It’s only just started. Gulp #satc2

Full disclosure: I only managed two episodes of this solipsistic shoe-porn in the Nineties. I haven’t even seen the film #satc2

The gay wedding – with swans – is so obnoxious, if I didn’t know the director was gay I’d be throwing accusations of homophobia #satc2

Oh fuck. I laughed at a Liza Minelli joke #satc2

Liza Minelli is singing Beyonce’s Single Ladies. I am speechless #satc2

enemysprout @kinnemaniac I saw loads but there’s no way I am ever investing a penny in the films. It will only encourage them.

In response to @enemysprout – that’s why I’m warning people why they shouldn’t watch this!

Verdict so far: half banal middle-aged ennui, half thuddingly awful gay jokes. Acting uniformly terrible #satc2

They’re watching It Happened One Night. They are tainting one of cinema’s greatest rom-coms by association #satc2

Kim Cattrall: “I’m tricking my body into thinking I’m younger.” Beg to digger. Blu-ray is astonishingly unforgiving #satc2

 

jonlyus @kinnemaniac Step away from the screen – nothing good will come of your persistence. My soul still hasn’t forgiven me for enduring #satc2

Did this script go through development *at all*? They’re saying whatever comes into their head. (Did they *liveblog* the script?) #satc2

That said, it’s in character for SJP. She’s an upmarket newspaper columnist, right? That voiceover is authentic broadsheet drivel #satc2

It amazes me in this day and age that a subplot can revolve around the nanny’s braless tits. What is this, a Confessions film? #satc2

Hang on. SJP’s hubby got a telly so they can snuggle up watching classic romcoms…and she’s moaning it’s not jewelry. Anger rising #satc2

Oh, Art Malik. Did you learn nothing from True Lies? #satc2

SJP keeps harping on about the telly in the bedroom being the most awful thing in the entire universe. She is the anti-@kinnemaniac #satc2

I am *ashamed* she’s a writer. There is no insight, no inquisitiveness. Even the trip to Abu Dhabi is about the fucking bling #satc2

CynInHerts @kinnemaniac Pity you’re already married, ‘cos I would propose based solely on tonight’s tweets (have not/will not ever see the film).

“Is this because I’m a bitch wife who nags you?” YES! Finally, an insight. #satc2

I have survived an hour of #satc2. I am mentally treating myself to a Lee Marvin movie night

Ah, here we go. They’ve reached the Middle East. My spidey-sense for jokey racism has started to tingle #satc2

Already, the nasty law-abiding Muslim customs officials have stolen Kim Catrall’s hormone pills. Oh, what hilarity will ensue? #satc2

The redhead actually said, “Abu Dhabi-do.” (I’m not learning character names. I’m never going to need them.) #futurepubquizfail #satc2

Muslim women’s headscarves “certainly cut back on the Botox bill.” This film cuts back on my sado-masochistic torture bill #satc2

The picture quality is so shiny it makes Moulin Rouge! look like kitchen-sink realism. Never has so much been spent on so little #satc2

Aw, SJP didn’t dismiss the servant so he can’t go home. Now, he’s got to stick around listening to her moaning. Bad luck, mate #satc2

However, he has taught her the true meaning of marriage, which she can’t see because she’s blinded by Jimmy Choo #dipshitmorallesson #satc2

“$20 dollars? For shoes? No fucking way, normally I pay the GDP of a nation for this shit!” #satc2

This makes the classic Morocco episode of The Apprentice look like the height of cultural tact and sensitivity #satc2

The laidback bloke from Northern Exposure and My Big Fat Greek Wedding just turned up. According to my wife, this is a big deal #satc2

Now they’re dragged up in what they think is cutting edge Middle East fashion, but what is actually ‘way too many shrooms at Glasto’ #satc2

 

Sam_exchangeis @kinnemaniac You must have really upset your wife to have to watch that bilge! I assume you are a bad man?

Random bloke wanders out of the desert. Kim Catrall actually says, “Lawrence of my labia.” Can this get any worse? #satc2

Yes it can get worse. One word: karaoke. This is practically a recruitment video for jihadists #satc2

Crap! There’s an hour of this shit left. If it doesn’t end soon, I’m blowing up my television sky high!! #satc2

SJP’s book got a bad review: “she would be better advised to exercise a vow of silence.” I have nothing to add here #satc2

They’re using the bad review to ‘prove’ men hate strong women. Nooo… the reviewer hates vacuous bullshit couched as profundity #satc2

Just realised: the redhead has no plotline, so she’s become a patronising guidebook to Middle East culture. (Sack your agent, dear) #satc2

The pin-sharp detail of jewelry and clothes is actually beginning to hurt my eyes… God, imagine how painful this would be in 3D #satc2

vicki_isitt @kinnemaniac even from a female point of view #satc2 is atrocious

A character called Dick Spurt is telling Kim Catrall what he’d do to her if sex wasn’t verboten in Abu Dhabi. This *is* Confessions #satc2

davidhunt14 @kinnemaniac This liveblogging is definitely making my evening more entertaining! I’ve seen the film. There’s plenty more to ‘enjoy’!!

OK, let me gather my thoughts… KC got arrested for snogging on the beach. Now Art Malik has kicked the women out of the hotel #satc2

1) They’re playing the speed packing as comedy. 2) They’ve turned racist at being starved of bling. 3) I’m turning into a misogynist #satc2

Kim Cattrall is scandalising a crowd by waving condoms in their faces. I wish I was drinking something stronger than beer #satc2

They’ve been rescued by hijab-wearing women who… GASP! …are wearing Louis Vuitton underneath. Moral: I’m never doing this again #satc2

Everything I have ever held to be true and sacred about cinema has been comprehensively dismantled in the past few hours. Sob #satc2

At last, hating Arab men is over and we can get back to hating American men. SJP’s hubby sold the telly and bought her a ring. Pussy #satc2

Ah, the hot braless nanny is a lesbian so the boring woman’s fear of her husband’s infidelity proved unfounded #copout #satc2

Over. I’ve survived a truly terrible film…. PS, I kinda enjoyed liveblogging. Thank you, Twitter, for sharing the pain #satc2

_Jack_Graham_ @kinnemaniac Reading your tweets is making me feel like I’m also watching #satc2. I may well sue you for causing me mental anguish.

The net result of that. A hatful of new followers. Probably, a few lost followers. And a marriage proposal #satc2

Goodnight, Twitter… And now the nightmares begin. I may as well have been eating cheese and LSD all night instead of #satc2

 

Wed 24th November

Oh boy… Did I really spend an evening watching #satc2 and liveblogging it to everybody? You must all hate me!

Alibianchi @kinnemaniac actually i kinda respect you for boldly going where other men fear to tread.

tommydraper @kinnemaniac I’ve not even seen #satc2 but I imagine reading your tweets about it was more fun than actually watching the movie!

Further Reading:

Burkas and Birkins by Lindy West, The Stranger

“The most insulting and dangerous film for Women Since Pretty Woman by Limara Salt, Little White Lies.

Sátántangó zips past like an episode of Spongebob Squarepants,” by Peter Bradshaw, The Guardian

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2 Comments

  1. Your Turn HeatherDec 2, 2010 at 1:18 pmReply

    I take my hat off to you sir.

  2. robertoDec 10, 2010 at 2:10 amReply

    i lovee this movie samantha is crazy and funny my bestwoman

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