Kinnemaniac

Opinion

Why Super 8 will taste of honey

May 11, 2010 by Simon Kinnear in Opinion with 0 Comments

At the end of 1984, my elementary school teacher asked us to write a short story over the Christmas vacation. Despite only being nine years old, I was ridiculously busy what with having to fly back to Blighty for the holidays, so I came up with (what I thought was) a rather brilliant time-saving wheeze.

Amongst the many gifts delivered by Santa was a storybook tie-in to Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom, which recounted the plot of the movie scene-by-scene in a concise, easy-to-read format. In other words, roughly short story length.

So I copied it, with a few cosmetic changes to try and hide the obvious plagiarism. Indiana Jones was no longer a world-weary archaeologist but an adventurous teddy bear; instead of the Sankara Stones, his mission was to collect honey from the villainous death cult.

The title of this masterpiece? Indiana Ted and the Temple of Honey.

Needless to say, some time in January I got the assignment back with one of the lowest marks I ever got. My teacher, clearly, was no fool, but was polite enough merely to say that my story lacked originality.

Why am I telling you this?

Well, my latest commission from Total Film’s website involves second-guessing the plot of forthcoming J.J. Abrams / Steven Spielberg collaboration Super 8, a piece of crystal ball-gazing based on the scant few crumbs of rumour and hearsay we have available. The brief called for each plot to carry a “Spielbergian Nod” – the idea being that, perhaps, childhood ‘Berg fan Abrams might well be paying due homage to his icon.

The lightbulb moment is instantaneous and dazzling. Of course! I know exactly how to write the piece. Without further ado, Indiana Ted swings into action to provide the inspiration for 18 more thinly-disguised reprises of classic Spielberg moments.

Check it out at: http://www.totalfilm.com/features/super-8-18-possible-plots.

Jaws, Duel, E.T., Jurassic Park – all of the biggies are there, but I can’t bring myself to include Temple of Doom. After all, I’ve already done it.

Actually, I didn’t do Schindler’s List either. Because that would just be sick.

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